To Heal or Not To Heal

19 June 2022 was Julie’s most unforgettable birthday. She had turned 64 and a day later was told she had pancreatic cancer with 18 months to live.

Julie and her family had gone to Singapore that year to celebrate her birthday, as well as to do their annual health screening, having skipped it since Covid started in 2019. 

The doctor said that her condition was that they could remove the tumor, and then she would undergo chemotherapy. That would hopefully give her 18 months to live, he said. 

Her world caved before her. She consented to operating but was uncertain that she had the ability to go through chemo, having witnessed what chemo patients experience. 

Still, feeling somewhat this was what her immediate family expected her to do to save her own life, she went through chemo. After three sessions of extremely difficult chemo effects, throwing up any food that went in, she decided to stop chemo and fly back home to Indonesia.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Julie was a fighter, the toughest navy-seal type, you could find. She had been mentally strong thus far, even consoling her husband and daughter who were totally grieved by her condition. She accepted her illness with no anger or remorse, and was fully prepared to do her best to stay well, while surrendering to God’s will.

So, she scouted alternative healing. She went into breathing meditations and naturopathy.

Her diet changed completely as she obediently followed the naturopath’s recommended meals religiously. Not that she was obese or had any prior illness, it was just that the naturopath’s approach eliminated a vast variety of ingredients and food, that the average person would take.

She forged on with commitment and discipline. Every day. Yet, by October her cancer cells had gone up even further. 

Still, she persevered. To take her mind off, she continued to be productive and started knitting and crocheting various wearables for her toddler granddaughter, determined not to let her cancer take the best out of her.

To say that there were no roller coaster rides, would be a lie. But, overall she remained positive, steadfast, as her family and friends continued to root for her.

In July 2024, she went back to Singapore for a medical check. Her blood works pronounced her clear of cancer. Her CA score that had gone up to 400 at the time of diagnosis had fallen back to 30, which was within the normal range. She was clear.

Hearing this felt like a miracle. She Whatsapped me the good news. She also forwarded me a Youtube video of a Pastor sharing about a woman who had just come up to him the day before, to say that she was healed from her pancreatic cancer, and he moved on to talk about other things. She told me, that was her. He was a Pastor who led Prayer Healings (These are prayer sessions where trained members pray with those who are in need of healings - physical and otherwise) pray for healing.

As I watched the video, I was reminded of another friend, Pinto, who was undergoing a family crisis as, his teenage son struggled through depression and gender identity issues, contemplating a sex-change. While Pinto and his son preferred a psychiatric approach, Pinto’s wife was in denial and encouraged his son to go to "Healing Prayer" sessions at this church and "take some testosterone shots", she bellowed. She tried to convince him that she’d heard from friends, healing prayer sessions, had cured many.

It triggered me to wonder about two things.

One, if the partial testimonies from these Prayer Healing “witnesses”, often created misleading impressions of incomplete stories. For if indeed a person were healed by doing nothing but prayer alone, let him say so. And if indeed a person prayed as well as made other efforts concurrently, I thought, let him say so comprehensively. 

Secondly, it triggered me to reflect on my own faith and beliefs. While I believe that things and situations happen, with the permission of God, I also believe He gives us free will to make wise decisions that may influence outcomes. I believe in His sovereign powers and surrendering to His decisions. I believe that He desires for us to be people of endeavour, yet surrender and accept the answers He provides. I believe, to discern those two is a lifetime process but that they are not conflicting. 

I believe in prayer but my conception of prayer is to pray for strength, wisdom, acceptance to overcome what God has allowed for me to encounter - be it a health issue, an emotional crisis, a financial setback, a betrayal or any other situation.

Ofcourse no one ever wants to suffer, and naturally we want to be healed. 

However, to be healed or not, may be beside the point. My concept of the purpose of prayer is not to worship or trust God so that He heals or provides what I deem as the best outcome. My definition of the purpose and intention of prayer is to primarily focus on how we can embrace a more God-like nature in managing life challenges, rather than to focus on the outcome. 

In other words the distinction of what we want versus what God wants.

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Update November 2024

Julie has fallen into a relapse. Her CA is at 90. She has been informed suitable for immunotherapy which she is undergoing.

Julie continues to be productive. Her latest creations are her Labubu custom signature-crocheted costumes, with Halloween, Christmas themes and others, taking in limited purchase orders.

She continues to make her paper flower bouquets, post them on Instagram.