Why We Never Forget

That whiff of warm coco, that baking spatula, that familiar Shizuko Mori melody, that perfect yolk of Egg Benedict, and instantly you are engulfed by memories of yesteryears.

So what is it that makes us forget certain things, yet never forget others?

Which things do our brains choose to lock into that safe drive, to be completely retrievable when triggered by the correct password?

And which things that you thought would be stored, but alas to no avail can you successfully recall?

Dementia

Ann, a neuroscientist, was telling a story about her dementia dad. Being a third-generation Asian American, her family had never really expressed “I love you” to each other. When her dad, who lived interstate, was diagnosed with dementia, she decided to ask her dad if he thought it would be a good idea if at the end of their phone call, they would say I love you to each other. And so, her dad agreed. The next time she called, she’d expected her dad to forget their pact. But much to her surprise, he said “I love you” first. 

Being a neuroscientist, she realized that though he’d forgotten most things that they’d talk about due to his dementia, HE had remembered their pact. Their pact was significant to him and it had formed a new memory in his brain. This brought tears to her eyes.

What about my recently bought silicon baking spatula that suddenly conjured scenes of my dear late aunt, diligently stirring her cake mix, for her baked orders, that as a child, I'd become a silent witness of all too often? 

I feel I need to pen this one down to the new stimulation I experienced watching her, as she created her cakes and I became a beneficiary of her culinary activities. I can now almost recall the awe and stimulation as I watched her work methodologically yet incomprehensible to me at the time. 

If so, does it all mean that we are likely to remember the memories that resonate deeply with our emotions versus our logic? And then, is it “simply” a matter of intentionally giving our everyday moments delight and meaning?

According to the National Library of Medicine, studies show that there is better memory performance when an emotional stimuli is involved. Also, there tends to be a higher content of nostalgic memories than ordinary memories. Nostalgic recollections refer to momentous or significant moments such as special events or celebrations or occasions shared with family or close ones. 

So if we know that we experience unpleasant encounters, fearful, anxious moments among a whole bunch of rage, disappointments and various negative memories throughout life - How then, do we transform our everyday moments and experiences, good or bad, into meaningful ones?

Senior roasted corn seller at Syntagma Square, Athens

Well, neuroscientist, I am not. But if I may I offer up my hypothesis, based on the popular maxim: that there are no failures in life, only successes and learnings. Therefore, if every setback and painful encounter were to be viewed as positive, value-adding incidents rather than painful, traumatic ones, perhaps we could “rewire” our experiences and transform them into positive lasting memories. 

But hey, what would I know? I’m just a girl, hoping to remember, as best I can, as long as I can, how grateful I am for life.