Firsts

When I was four or five, I had imaginary friends. Five, to be exact. 

There was Obie.  The only male, all stout and roundish. Now I can’t remember which was first, that the big ‘O’ of his name inspired the making of his physical characteristics of vice versa. In any case, he enjoyed his food.

Then there were two teenage girls HS1 and HS2. HS, deciphered from the words ‘High School’ level 1 and level 2, which I had no idea what it meant exactly at the time, but was somehow always associated with the big kids, whenever mom used these terms. 

Then there was the cute little Nina - which was sort of my personification and the main character of the scene that I would often direct, akin to any random  movie scene. Finally there was Titik, who was literally as tiny as a dot. 

I would play out scenes of these characters in my head, and persuaded my sister to act out the part of HS1, HS2 or Nina, depending on the flavor of the day. These episodes, apparently, occurred often enough, that both my mom and sister would remember these characters until today. 

Fast forward decades later.

As an adult, until a few years ago, I never bought any fiction books and hardly read any. The fiction books I did buy may have been unintentional. 

Most of my books were predominantly ‘How To’ books. 

My work? I was told apparently I was good at analysis. So, I did. Analyzed data, to tweak marketing materials to get the intended action. I was told I did good. So I did. Everything could be rationalized, everything in the past could give you a hint on where to close the gap. 

And further and further Obie, HS1, HS2, Nina and Titik faded into the horizon. And slowly as the years passed, I could no longer recall their familiar faces or personalities.

Perhaps like me, life happened to you. Drawn into a world of daily logic and must-dos.

Treading with preparation and precaution. Living with speed and practicality. Leaving whimsical, spur-of the moment acts, and risky what-ifs behind. 

And then, two life-changing moments happened. 

The first, I would attribute it to the day I raised my hand when I was 18, to be ready and willing to discover God. It had been a very slow ride for me to understand faith and God’s purpose. But through the journey, I finally understood that God’s greatest desire is not for us to do the right thing, but do the compassionate. And to do what is compassionate, one must be able to feel what others feel. Let empathy rather than logic rule sometimes.

The second moment, which in a way, not really a “second” one, because if you, as I, believe that it is part of God’s plan, then this would be part of the first. In any case, it is the moment I met my life-partner. 

He has been my other side of the scale. To keep me in equilibrium, grounded not only in what is sensible, logical and just, but also which is kind, humorous, compassionate, fun and forgiving. 

Change

This year I bought my first poetry book ever. A beautifully written poetry book, that I never thought I would enjoy.

I have always viewed baking as a tedious, highly meticulous chore with way too many steps to contribute to a high probability of failure, that put me off to ever trying, even though I love cakes and desserts. But last week, I had some over-ripe bananas. With some yogurt, eggs, flour & cinnamon, I had my first bake. 

During the pandemic I bought some baby plants and became a first-time gardener. My three adeniums are now sitting happily on my balcony. 

Ah..I started to learn that life needs some chance-taking afterall. 

Don’t Let Life Silently Run Over 

So if like me, you are someone who’ve let your inner child fade away into the dusts of life, seek her out again. Be bold to embrace life as God meant for it.

Let her sing again and dance to the beat of your purpose-driven life.